Morning Sickness!

My morning sickness started in the middle of 1st month and getting worst in the 2nd month. Funny, it just a feeling. I hated all kind of smell even my husband colonge. I can't cook, I refused to do anything. I hated my work and the journey of 45km to school. I hated everyone that fail to understand my condition including the headmaster. However, there are people who said I am spoilt. My hubby also said is pychology effect. Is it? I didn't know. I just want to sleep and keep myself away from everybody. I easily cry and angry. What make the feeling? When I saw others morning sickness, I don't understand but now I knew.
Now, slowly enter fourth month. Suddenly, all uneasiness gone. Funny again! Is the feeling. Now I getting bigger and bigger. Me or the baby. I wonder is the fat or the baby growing on my abdoment. Can't wait to know is boy or girl. But little fellow just to shy to show it. I just pray that he or she will be mentally and physical healthy.

Laughing!

One of my favourite photo. Justin and his brother Gabriel. Gabriel like to laugh until can't see his eye. He actually a handsome little boy.

Happy to meet Chen!

I really love this photo and I enjoy so much talking to Grace. Time fly!!! Suddenly, she got 2 pretty babies.

Life

I always try to look into my and analyse what I had done. Is it good of bad? Where am I head to?? I feel like inside a swimming pool and try to relax myself. Not to worry and just try my best.

Sick!

I am sick. The weather is hot and cold. It was like air con room every night in Keningau. I need to go to class until 5 pm today. Siapa bilang senang jadi cikgu? The enjoyment here is when you see your student achieve a great result. Then, we are standing behind watching them cry with joy. And we say to ourselves. "Thanks God!".

Bad Teacher!

Today, I thrown my student's book from 2nd floor. Hey! we shall not ill treat student. I told him to listen but he kept talking like I m invisible. When some girls pass by, he trying to tackle them. One time, two time, and..............
I lost count but my blood pressure getting higher. Suddenly, boom!!!!!!!!! I chased him out. It was scary to lose temper because we don't know how to control it. Sometime, you just need to tell them "hello, I m here, please pay some respect". So pathetic.....

I want to go back!

I failed to transfer back to west Malaysia because my boss don't release me. The administration said my serving years was too short, not qualify. I start to think, what is the point I got married and stay far away from him. I felt pity because he is alone there but what to do? They said I need a very big kabel. Where to find? Is it wrong to be simple?

Do you care?

We went to see the track for motivation camp yesterday. The path to walk into the jungle is narrow and steep. I can't imagine bring a group of students in the middle of night walk thru this path. My boss is proud of this camp but what happen to the safety of us. Who care??? Danger always been ignored when nothing happen? Touch wood,if something happen, it will be too late. Where they can't think? Is the position had blind them. Father, please forgive my sin.

My dearest Friend!

God want to be my friend. I tell him all the things that I felt hurt. Tomorrow is Saturday but my school suddenly ask us to come back because my big boss want the exam to be carried tomorrow to make way for motivation week. Is it right? Or shall I keep quiet and follow. We are Christian! All the staffs here just keep quiet. No one dare to sound anything. I want to say sorry God, deep down in my heart, I felt hurt, sad and tired. We work so hard but people who are able to act good in front of her got the best. Am I too prejudis? I ask to transfer back to take care of my husband, boss said need a successer and the staff in Putrajaya said it was fronzen due to low enrolment. Why? Father, we try to help them, work our best for them but they never understand us, pity us. Have mercy, Father. They don't know what they were doing. I just pray that when I in their position, I will understand my staffs more. They said if the students can't perform well, is not their problem, is teacher not teaching well. But I did my best, Father. You saw it, right? The students are so busy, they need to attend so many activities until they can't attend the classes. Teachers are busy. There are so many courses and reports not yet done. Look at my friend's school. Father, she don't have problem to transfer back. Most of the teachers did not attend class if they don't like to do so. Yet they got so much present for teacher day. Am I jealous or envy? I don't know, Father. I can only keep quiet. We working so hard for who? Boss? Family? School? The whole system? Just forgive my sin if I failed to teach them well Father. I try my best to speak English in class. They refuse to listen because they said they don't understand. We are not allowed to can them but I am so stressful in controlling the class.They are not listening. I feel like a hamburger, students not listening, boss not understanding........ Father, please open their eyes. Touch them......... I love you father. Thanks for listening. Just grant me peace.

Headache!!!!

I m teaching form 4 and form 5 students. Most of them still couldn't differentiate between even number, odd number and prime number. It is so hard for them to understand prime number is a number which only have a pair of factor. I think there are some problem with their mind set. I keep asking, am I lousy speaker. There must be something I can do about it.

Are you interested? The boxes cost RM50.00 and the bracelet RM30.00

Thanks God!

I kept complaining about everything but I failed to realise that are so many things around me. I just hate to many things and I feel very negative. I think is bad. I shall change and I will from now.

Princess

look at the little princess. My best friend Grace daughter.

Frustrated!

My laptop is so slow. It took me 20 minutes to open the create posts. So sad. When we lack of money, more things require money. I just want to wish Puey Yee "Happy Birthday!" but my tortoise laptop not behave properly. Sad and sigh!

Student

Am I too good? I always feel that my students like to take advantage of me. Even though I sound them a lot but they never afraid of me. Most of the time, I like a crazy women trying to tell them how bad I feel about their attitude but they are like a body without soul. I had to call their soul back... Some words went into their right ear and slip through their left ear.
Once I caught a student sewing his shoe in the locker while I was teaching maths in front. Some even sleeping. I always ask myself, shall I make the class more interesting or shall I finish my syllabus so that I can answer to my superior.....

Dayanah

She is 4 BK class monitor before she transferred back to her old school in Ranau. A hard working girl and I really like her as a form teacher because she really offers me a great help and she is so naïve. I still remember she came to see me during one of the recess time. I was so angry with her class because they failed to do my homework properly. I was making noise to her and told her that I will throw their homework into a rubbish bin. While making noise, I told her to prepare a rubbish bin whereby I just said it to show my anger. However, when I entered their class after recess time, I was surprised to find an empty rubbish bin beside my table. All my anger gone, I feel like laughing but I was so touching at the same time that a girl really pay attention to each word I say even though I don’t mean it. Such a naïve girl!

Backyard

I took these photos from my rented house backyard. I never notice it was so beautiful. Most of the time we forget that God gives us a wonderful place in front us but we just don’t see it. It happens most of the time in our relationship. When we start to realize we need to appreciate our surrounding, then only we found that it starts to disappear from our view. When will we start to appreciate more than complaining more?

Keningau

The photo is showing a playground in front of my rented house in Keningau, Sabah. I had been here since 1st January 2006 to work as a mathematic teacher for one of the secondary school here. The photo was taken on 16th September 2006.

Keningau is a quite small town. It is a quiet and peaceful town. I always feel I had been cut out from outside world. It is 2 and the half hours drive from Kota Kinabalu. The journey is long and boring. We need to pass through Gunung Emas to reach Keningau town. Gunung Emas area is gold and similar to Genting Highland. The differences between both mountains are Gunung Emas doesn’t have any casino and it only has a small resting area. The only thing that reminds me about west Malaysia here is the KFC restaurant. The one and the only KFC restaurant here.

I like the people here. They are friendly and helpful. They got married in young age. I always have mistaken their grandchild as the children. There always my embarrassing moment. However, it is very hard to find Indian people here. Most of the Indian people were posted here as teachers. The majority people here are native. Their main religion is Christian and Islam. They are living in peace and harmony because most of them are relatives even though they have different belief.

One thing that irks me is that they like to spit everywhere and is like their culture. The other thing they always carry out open burning which pollute the surrounding and cause irritation to our eyes. Hope they will throw these habits away.