7 months

So fast already 7 months pregnant. My tummy become bigger each day. Feeling excited and scare at the same time. I am not good in going through pain. Oh I couldn't imagine I have to go through labour pain.
Life become harder now with the oil price increasing. Some more we were asked to go back on Saturday for courses. What happen to their mind? They ask us to save yet ask us to work on Saturday. I had to drive so far...... For a 7 months pregnant lady. I can't see the benefit.

Tuision or School?

I remember I used to attend tuision class so that I could get extra knowledge that I miss in school. The purpose is to help me to catch up my study. However, I notice my students now are very different. For them, tuision is more important because their parent pay. Some of them even asked me to solve problem given by their tuision teacher. Then what is our rule as normal school teacher? They don't respect us because they knew they could learn from tuision. Then why are we exist?

Five Months

So fast, I already entered my five months pregnancy. Can feel myself getting heavier each day. I went for my check up on monday. The nurse said I need to double my iron tablet dose due to my low red cell. I don't really like iron because it cause me constipate. My colleague was making fun of me; how come a teacher will lack of blood which suppose to be unhealthy eating pattern. I also don't know. I only know I got headache all the time now. I ate a lot too. The nurse said I put on 2kg which is too much. Then, apa terjadi??????????? My HM didn't fully support my application to Nilai school. I got so lost sometime. There are so many decision to make which is my weak point.
May my God want me to learn something. I think He want me to be positive and trust Him. All sunshine and no rain make a desert.

Angry!!!

My 1 kemboja student W really made me mad. He refused to do his work some more show me his temper. Hopeless! My 2 Anggerik girl C also the same. She shouted at me in the class when I wrongly pronounce her name. So pathetic. I can still feel my anger until today. I don't know what effect it will cause my baby but I just too mad with them. A brunch of spoilt and rude kids. The parent fail........ I am thinking may be I shall sue the parent and them. Teach them a lesson.
Ha...... Is just a illusion. I won't do it. Let it be!!! Sometime just submit to God when we don't know what else to do. I just prayed that God will take away my anger and grand me more patient.

Morning Sickness!

My morning sickness started in the middle of 1st month and getting worst in the 2nd month. Funny, it just a feeling. I hated all kind of smell even my husband colonge. I can't cook, I refused to do anything. I hated my work and the journey of 45km to school. I hated everyone that fail to understand my condition including the headmaster. However, there are people who said I am spoilt. My hubby also said is pychology effect. Is it? I didn't know. I just want to sleep and keep myself away from everybody. I easily cry and angry. What make the feeling? When I saw others morning sickness, I don't understand but now I knew.
Now, slowly enter fourth month. Suddenly, all uneasiness gone. Funny again! Is the feeling. Now I getting bigger and bigger. Me or the baby. I wonder is the fat or the baby growing on my abdoment. Can't wait to know is boy or girl. But little fellow just to shy to show it. I just pray that he or she will be mentally and physical healthy.

Laughing!

One of my favourite photo. Justin and his brother Gabriel. Gabriel like to laugh until can't see his eye. He actually a handsome little boy.

Happy to meet Chen!

I really love this photo and I enjoy so much talking to Grace. Time fly!!! Suddenly, she got 2 pretty babies.

Life

I always try to look into my and analyse what I had done. Is it good of bad? Where am I head to?? I feel like inside a swimming pool and try to relax myself. Not to worry and just try my best.

Sick!

I am sick. The weather is hot and cold. It was like air con room every night in Keningau. I need to go to class until 5 pm today. Siapa bilang senang jadi cikgu? The enjoyment here is when you see your student achieve a great result. Then, we are standing behind watching them cry with joy. And we say to ourselves. "Thanks God!".

Bad Teacher!

Today, I thrown my student's book from 2nd floor. Hey! we shall not ill treat student. I told him to listen but he kept talking like I m invisible. When some girls pass by, he trying to tackle them. One time, two time, and..............
I lost count but my blood pressure getting higher. Suddenly, boom!!!!!!!!! I chased him out. It was scary to lose temper because we don't know how to control it. Sometime, you just need to tell them "hello, I m here, please pay some respect". So pathetic.....

I want to go back!

I failed to transfer back to west Malaysia because my boss don't release me. The administration said my serving years was too short, not qualify. I start to think, what is the point I got married and stay far away from him. I felt pity because he is alone there but what to do? They said I need a very big kabel. Where to find? Is it wrong to be simple?

Do you care?

We went to see the track for motivation camp yesterday. The path to walk into the jungle is narrow and steep. I can't imagine bring a group of students in the middle of night walk thru this path. My boss is proud of this camp but what happen to the safety of us. Who care??? Danger always been ignored when nothing happen? Touch wood,if something happen, it will be too late. Where they can't think? Is the position had blind them. Father, please forgive my sin.

My dearest Friend!

God want to be my friend. I tell him all the things that I felt hurt. Tomorrow is Saturday but my school suddenly ask us to come back because my big boss want the exam to be carried tomorrow to make way for motivation week. Is it right? Or shall I keep quiet and follow. We are Christian! All the staffs here just keep quiet. No one dare to sound anything. I want to say sorry God, deep down in my heart, I felt hurt, sad and tired. We work so hard but people who are able to act good in front of her got the best. Am I too prejudis? I ask to transfer back to take care of my husband, boss said need a successer and the staff in Putrajaya said it was fronzen due to low enrolment. Why? Father, we try to help them, work our best for them but they never understand us, pity us. Have mercy, Father. They don't know what they were doing. I just pray that when I in their position, I will understand my staffs more. They said if the students can't perform well, is not their problem, is teacher not teaching well. But I did my best, Father. You saw it, right? The students are so busy, they need to attend so many activities until they can't attend the classes. Teachers are busy. There are so many courses and reports not yet done. Look at my friend's school. Father, she don't have problem to transfer back. Most of the teachers did not attend class if they don't like to do so. Yet they got so much present for teacher day. Am I jealous or envy? I don't know, Father. I can only keep quiet. We working so hard for who? Boss? Family? School? The whole system? Just forgive my sin if I failed to teach them well Father. I try my best to speak English in class. They refuse to listen because they said they don't understand. We are not allowed to can them but I am so stressful in controlling the class.They are not listening. I feel like a hamburger, students not listening, boss not understanding........ Father, please open their eyes. Touch them......... I love you father. Thanks for listening. Just grant me peace.

Headache!!!!

I m teaching form 4 and form 5 students. Most of them still couldn't differentiate between even number, odd number and prime number. It is so hard for them to understand prime number is a number which only have a pair of factor. I think there are some problem with their mind set. I keep asking, am I lousy speaker. There must be something I can do about it.

Are you interested? The boxes cost RM50.00 and the bracelet RM30.00

Thanks God!

I kept complaining about everything but I failed to realise that are so many things around me. I just hate to many things and I feel very negative. I think is bad. I shall change and I will from now.

Princess

look at the little princess. My best friend Grace daughter.

Frustrated!

My laptop is so slow. It took me 20 minutes to open the create posts. So sad. When we lack of money, more things require money. I just want to wish Puey Yee "Happy Birthday!" but my tortoise laptop not behave properly. Sad and sigh!

Student

Am I too good? I always feel that my students like to take advantage of me. Even though I sound them a lot but they never afraid of me. Most of the time, I like a crazy women trying to tell them how bad I feel about their attitude but they are like a body without soul. I had to call their soul back... Some words went into their right ear and slip through their left ear.
Once I caught a student sewing his shoe in the locker while I was teaching maths in front. Some even sleeping. I always ask myself, shall I make the class more interesting or shall I finish my syllabus so that I can answer to my superior.....

Dayanah

She is 4 BK class monitor before she transferred back to her old school in Ranau. A hard working girl and I really like her as a form teacher because she really offers me a great help and she is so naïve. I still remember she came to see me during one of the recess time. I was so angry with her class because they failed to do my homework properly. I was making noise to her and told her that I will throw their homework into a rubbish bin. While making noise, I told her to prepare a rubbish bin whereby I just said it to show my anger. However, when I entered their class after recess time, I was surprised to find an empty rubbish bin beside my table. All my anger gone, I feel like laughing but I was so touching at the same time that a girl really pay attention to each word I say even though I don’t mean it. Such a naïve girl!